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BDonald
Regular Member


297 Posts
Posted -  12/01/2006  :  19:35

Know any good clean Jokes





http://www.danggoodjokes.com/




 

 




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Another
Traycle Mine Overseer


6250 Posts
Posted - 11/05/2010 : 11:58
 

Bride on her wedding night says to new hubby “ I must confess that I used to be a hooker”

Hubby says, “That’s OK. Your past is in the past….but I must confess I find it quire erotic, tell me more about it?” 

She says, “Well my name was Dave and I played for Wigan Warriors”


Nolic



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marilyn
VIP Member


5007 Posts
Posted - 12/05/2010 : 10:11
Why is 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9.


get your people to phone my people and we will do lunch...MAZ Go to Top of Page
belle
VIP Member


6502 Posts
Posted - 12/05/2010 : 14:00
Tried to copy a cartoon sent by a friend.. but it wouldn't copy into the reply box.. ah well. It was a tortiose on it's back having just been knocked over and a snail passing.. one word underneath ....."Maniac!!"


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gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 19/05/2010 : 04:11
belle's cartoon?




LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

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catgate
Senior Member


1764 Posts
Posted - 19/05/2010 : 18:31

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained, "It's the chemist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call several times before he would even answer the phone".

Immediately, the husband drove into town to confront the chemist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the chemist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it.
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realise that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.
Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.. Later, when I was about three blocks from the shop, I had a flat tyre. When I finally got to the shop there was a crowd of people waiting for me to open up.
I got the shop opened and started serving these people, and all the time the damn phone was ringing like mad.”

"Then I had to break open a packet of twenty pence pieces against the cash register drawer to get change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick them all up . All the while, the phone was still ringing. When I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a load of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.

Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

And, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.”





Every silver lining has a cloud.


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belle
VIP Member


6502 Posts
Posted - 19/05/2010 : 20:40
This is almost a clean joke..it made me laugh so much i just had to share it!
A CRUSHED SCROTUM.....
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have Praise. Two months ago, my husband Tom, had a terrible golf cart wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold things in place.”
Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom."Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom."
The entire congregation held its breath. 

                                                      




                                                                \/

























"I just want to tell my wife that the word is 'sternum'."




Edited by - belle on 19/05/2010 8:43:46 PM

Edited by - belle on 23/05/2010 10:36:07 AM


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gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 25/05/2010 : 06:45
A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial.

"Jury trial," the defendant replied.

"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.

"Sure," replied the defendant. "That’s where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."


LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

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catgate
Senior Member


1764 Posts
Posted - 26/05/2010 : 15:04
A chap up in the village has a dog with a wooden dick. (Rare veterinary  prosthesis procedure). It seems to work very well. It has all the local bitches spell bound.


Every silver lining has a cloud.


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gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 27/05/2010 : 03:54
So what's the joke?


LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

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Bodger
Regular Member


892 Posts
Posted - 27/05/2010 : 08:17
Gearce, in't north a spell is a splinter


"You can only make as well as you can measure"
                           Joseph Whitworth
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gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 27/05/2010 : 08:39
Well! Pardon my ignorance


LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

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gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 31/05/2010 : 05:45
Bloke in hotel in France to maid: "Who's moving in?"
Maid: "Je ne sais pas."
Three days later on noticing hearse outside
Bloke to maid: "Who's died?"
Maid: "Je ne sais pas."
Bloke: "Blimey! They didn't last long."


LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
 Smile Go to Top of Page
Cathy
Senior Member


4249 Posts
Posted - 04/06/2010 : 10:46

An Irishman, and Englishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub and the barman says "What is this, some kind of joke?"


All thru the fields and meadows gay  ....  Enjoy   
Take Care...Cathy Go to Top of Page
Callunna
Revolving Grey Blob


3044 Posts
Posted - 04/06/2010 : 11:25
A nose walked into the Cellar Bar while we were playing there last Saturday night.

Penny says: "I'm not serving you - you're off your face." 


===================
www.sheldrickrose.co.uk
www.bernulf.co.uk
www.bernulfsplace.co.uk
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Bruff
Regular Member


479 Posts
Posted - 04/06/2010 : 13:06
'Waiter, there's some volcanic ash in my soup!'

'Well of course sir, this is a no-fly zone.'


Richard Broughton

Edited by - Bruff on 04/06/2010 1:07:27 PM


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