THOMO POSTED THESE AS PICTURES BUT I AM SO FLATTERED THAT i'VE TRANSCRIBED THEM FOR THIS TOPIC.  Wonderful and very well done.

STANLEY AND THE ENGINE
[WITH APOLOGIES TO MARRIOT EDGAR]

There’s a famous mill town called Barlick
That’s noted for fresh air and fun
And Mr and Mrs Graham
Moved their with Stanley, their son

A fine little lad were young Stanley
All dressed in his best, quite a swell
He’d a stick with a valve spindle ‘andle
The best that the Co-op could sell

They didn’t think much to the canal
The waves were piddling and small
They had a quick peek in the boatyard
In which they found sweet bugger all

So seeking for further amusement
Twas off to the Bancroft they went
And to stop Stan getting all mucky
A tackler gave t’young lad a fent

They went off to see the great engine
Which stood in a room of its own
But when they got there it were resting
Which produced from young Stanley a yawn

Now Stanley ‘ad ‘eard about engines
‘Ow they was exciting and wild
And to see th’engine stood there all peaceful
Just didn’t seem right to the child

So straightaway the brave little feller
Not showing a morsel of fear
Took his stick with the valve-spindle handle
And stuck it in’t great engine’s gear

You could see that the engine didn’t like it
For advancing one part of one turn
It pulled Stanley inside its bed with it
Stan’s stomach it started to churn

Now Mother ‘ad seen this occurrence
And not knowin’ what to do next
She ‘ollered “Yon engine’s et Stanley!”
An’ Father said ‘Ee, I am vexed”

They complained to the engine minder
Who said “What a nasty mis’ap
Are you sure it’s your lad that ‘e’s eaten?”
Pa said “Am I sure? There’s his cap!”

The manager ‘ad to be sent for
Newton came up and said “What’s to do?”
Ma said “Yon engine’s eat Stanley
And him in his Sunday clothes too!”

Father said “Right’s right young feller
I think it’s a shame and a sin
To ‘ave our Stan et by the engine
And after we paid to come in.”

The manager wanted no trouble
He took out his purse right away
Saying “How much to settle the matter?”
And Pa said “What do you usually pay?”

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Stanley had gone
She said “No! Someone’s got to be summonsed”
So that were decided upon.

Then of they went to t’p’lice station
In front of the Magistrate chap
They told him what happened to Stanley
And proved it by showing his cap

The magistrate gave his opinion
That no one were really to blame
And he said that he hoped that the Grahams
Would have further sons to their name

At Mother got proper blazing
“And thank you Sir kindly” she said
“What, waste all of our lives raising children
To grease ruddy engines? Not me!”


THE RETURN OF STANLEY

You’ve ‘eard how young Stanley Graham
In the mill up at Barlick one year
With a stick with a valve-spindle ‘andle
Gave an engine a poke in its gear

The name of the engine were Ivor
The poke in the gear made him wild
And before you could say “Bob’s your Uncle”
It ‘ad up and ‘ad swallered the child

It were sorry the moment he’d done it
With children ‘ed always been chums
And besides he had worn teeth on ‘is gear wheels
And ‘e couldn’t chew Stanley on’t stumps

‘E could feel the lad moving inside ‘im
T’were lucky ‘e hadn’t got burnt
And it might have been t’little lad’s birthday
‘E wished ‘im such ‘appy returns

But Stanley kept kicking and fighting
Till Ivor arose feeling bad
And felt it were time he started to stage
A come-back for the poor little lad

So with ‘is piston at the end of its travel
And ‘is cross-head all bent like a fork
‘E coughed and ‘e sneezed and he farted
Till young Stanley shot out like a cork

Old Ivor felt better directly
And ‘is cylinder shone once more bright green
But the only difference with Stanley
Was ‘is face and ‘is hands were quite clean

Meanwhile Mister and Missus Graham
‘Ad gone home for tea feeling blue
Ma said “I feel a bit down in the mouth like”
Pa says “Aye, and I’ll bet Stanley does too”

Said Ma, “It just goes to show you
That the future is never revealed.
If I thought we were going to lose him
I’d ‘ave not ‘ad his boots soled and ‘eeled

A knock at the door came that moment
As Father these kind words did speak
‘Twas the man from t’Prudential
‘E’d called for their tuppence per person per week.

When Father saw who ‘ad been knocking
‘E laughed and kept laughing so
That the young man said “What’s there to laugh at?”
Pa said “You’ll laugh an’ all when you know”

“Excuse him for laughing” said Mother
“But really things ‘appen so strange
Our Stanley’s been ‘et by an engine
You’ve got to pay us for a change”

Said the young feller from the Prudential
“Now come on, let’s understand this
You don’t mean to say that you’ve lost ‘im?”
Pa said “Oh no, we know where he is”

When the young man ‘ad ‘eard all the details
A bag from ‘is pocket he drew
And he paid ‘em with interest and bonus
The sum of nine pounds four and two

Pa ‘ad scarce got ‘is ‘ands on the money
When a face at the window they see
And Mother said “Eeh look it’s our Stanley!”
And Father says “Aye, it would be”

Young Stanley came in all excited
And started ‘is story to give
And Pa says “I’ll never trust engines again
Not for as long as I live”

The young feller from the Prudential
To pick up the money began
And Father says “Eeh just a moment
Don’t be in a hurry young man”

Then giving young Stanley a shilling
He said “Pop off back to the shed
‘Ere’s your stick with the valve-spindle handle
Go and see if the boiler’s bin fed”

“Let’s look on the bright side” said Father
What can’t be ‘elped must be endured
Every cloud ‘as a silvery lining
And we did have young Stanley insured!”

[posted by Thomo. OGFB]