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BDonald
Regular Member


297 Posts
Posted -  12/01/2006  :  19:35

Know any good clean Jokes





http://www.danggoodjokes.com/




 

 




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Bodger
Regular Member


892 Posts
Posted - 06/12/2011 : 09:50
daddy shark & sonny shark see a boat capsize, all the occupants are thrown into the water,

sonny, 'hey dad lets swim over and eat them'

daddy, 'no, we will swim around them, the first few times i will show my fin, then swim round and show both our fins'

after a repast of human meat

sonny, ' why did we have to swim around them before we ate them'

daddy, ' they taste better after the sh-te is frghtened out of them '


"You can only make as well as you can measure"
                           Joseph Whitworth
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Bradders
Senior Member


1880 Posts
Posted - 06/12/2011 : 22:28
Now Then Bodge.....!
This one gets a "Tumbleweed and Unearthly Whistling Wind " Award


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gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 11/12/2011 : 02:10
Aren't Older Women Great.

After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said ..... 
"Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.  Now ... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 63-year-old woman.  It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman.

She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great ? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems ........


LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
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Tizer
VIP Member


5150 Posts
Posted - 13/12/2011 : 09:27
Nice one Gearce!

Mrs Tiz heard someone on the radio this morning say they'd "had a glimpse of the Higgs boson" so she's got her binoculars out and she wants to know where it's been sighted. She's a member of the Royal Society for the Protection of Bosons.


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belle
VIP Member


6502 Posts
Posted - 13/12/2011 : 13:34
Just heard this on the radio..not sure if it counts as a clean joke but it mad me laugh..." my girlfriend just dumped me. She didn't like my fetish for feeling fresh pasta.. so it looks like I'm gonna be feeling "kina loney" this Christmas!!


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Bradders
Senior Member


1880 Posts
Posted - 14/12/2011 : 01:16
Gearce and Belle ..Laughed at both of those .....

G , who said (words to the effect )  ???
"you don't have to get married in America ....all you do , is go out and find a woman you don't like , and give her a house "

Sounds a bit like Groucho to me .....


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Bodger
Regular Member


892 Posts
Posted - 14/12/2011 : 09:26
The grim reaper came for me last night, i fought him of with the vacuum cleaner,. Talk about DYSON with death ""


"You can only make as well as you can measure"
                           Joseph Whitworth
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gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 26/12/2011 : 06:28
Here's a couple I heard over the weekend

Dear God,

My prayer for 2012 is for a fat bank account & a thin body.
Please try not to mix them up like you did last year.

AMEN!


============================================


My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It's Incredible!"

So ... being the nice guy I am, I thought, "Bugger it, it's almost Christmas, I'll give her a treat "

So we walked past again .



LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
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Bodger
Regular Member


892 Posts
Posted - 26/12/2011 : 10:30
A man starts a new job as a cleaner in an exclusive private zoo

his first job is to clean out the man eating fish, they attack him, and he batters them to death with the shovel, wondering what to do with the corpses  he feeds them to the lions

he the starts to clean out a pair of  rare albino chimps, they attack him , so again he kills them and feeds them to the lions

his next job was to clean out the African killer bees, and they attack him and he enventually manages to squash the whole swarm, and again he shovels them into the lions den

the next day a new lion is introduced into the lion enclosure and he asks one of the original lions what the food is like, the lion replys, great,

yesterday we had Fish, Chimps and musy Bees

 

Three Irish brothers, one of them is on the dole, meet in the bar every Fri. for a pint each, t he recession hits, and the two working bros emigrate to get jobs, the bro on the dole still comes in every Fri. and has3 pints, one for him and one for each other the other bros.

one Fri he comes in and orders 2 pints, the bar man enquires about the two other bros. thinking one of them was ill or died, the man replies ' no they are both well and working, the reason for the two pints is that ive given up drink for the new year

 


"You can only make as well as you can measure"
                           Joseph Whitworth
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gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 03/01/2012 : 10:09
My friends New Year resolution: "To drink only when I am in the company of others or by myself"


LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

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