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BDonald
Regular Member
297 Posts
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belle
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 Posted - 26/01/2011 : 11:39
Tizer lover that list, the optical alusian being my favourite. I did once get a bit confused when going to book an eye check and in front of a packed waiting room asked "can I have an optician to see the appointment please?"
Here's one from the old days on radio one....Fisons were running a slimming competition, the first prize was a home disco, and when the winner came to collect it a short speech was made :
"Now is the winner of our discotheque, made gloriously slimmer by Fisons of York!"
Life is what you make it |
catgate
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Posted - 26/01/2011 : 11:46
quote:
Sunray10 wrote:
What did the biscuit say when he got to the other side of the busy road - Oh crumbs.
I must keep my eye open for that chicken.
Every silver lining has a cloud.
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belle
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Posted - 26/01/2011 : 11:51
apparantly the biscuit never made it to the other side of the road, got hit by a bike and disintegrated..oh well! that's the way the cookie crumbles!
Life is what you make it |
Another
Traycle Mine Overseer
6250 Posts
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Posted - 26/01/2011 : 12:06
Tinks, love the Richard III take off. Very cleverly done. Nolic
" I'm a self made man who worships his creator"  |
Another
Traycle Mine Overseer
6250 Posts
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Posted - 27/01/2011 : 08:15
Why men should not be agony advisors
"Dear Agony Uncle,
I set of from work in my car and drove about a mile when I broke down. I walked back to my home and found my husband making love to our 19 year old babysitter. He says he's in love and wants to be with her. Can you help I still love him ?
"Dear reader the most common fault in a car breaking down in the first mile of setting off is dirt in the fuel line or a faulty alternator hope this helps"
Nolic
" I'm a self made man who worships his creator" |
Tizer
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Posted - 27/01/2011 : 10:01
What a coincidence - the same joke posted by Molic and Nolic at the same time!
Now, a news story just received...
"Scientists have finally unravelled the meaning of those gigantic patterns in the Atacama Desert that can be seen from space. They say `Please do not destroy this planet. It's the only one with chocolate.'"
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Another
Traycle Mine Overseer
6250 Posts
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Posted - 27/01/2011 : 12:02
Can't have too much of a good thing Tiz. Nolic aka Molic
" I'm a self made man who worships his creator" |
Bodger
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Posted - 30/01/2011 : 08:48
In the local old folks home they've started to give the males a Viagra pill at night, it prevents them from rolling off the bed
"You can only make as well as you can measure"
Joseph Whitworth
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Another
Traycle Mine Overseer
6250 Posts
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Posted - 30/01/2011 : 09:29
Breaking News
'Torres trying to steal a move to Chelsea'
So he learnt something from three years at Liverpool then..
Nolic
" I'm a self made man who worships his creator" |
Stanley
Local Historian & Old Fart
36804 Posts
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Posted - 31/01/2011 : 05:23
Tony, I don't get that joke. Explanation?
Far be it for me to run the Pool down but I admit that after hearing the dockers had stolen three Fergusson tractors I did remark that if the dock gates were wide enough they's pinch the bloody ships!
Stanley Challenger Graham
Barlick View
stanley at barnoldswick.freeserve.co.uk |
Tizer
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Posted - 31/01/2011 : 10:14
On the Today programme this morning they were talking about Cleggie's order that they shouldn't put any more papers in his box after 3.00pm. Apparently the first time Ken Clark got boxes to take home there were five so he told his driver "Pick any two". Another minister, perhaps Heseltine, sent someone off to find a thinner box so they couldn't give him too much.
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Bodger
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Posted - 31/01/2011 : 12:45
Stanley, I realise that you probably do'nt require Viagara, but with an enlarged erection the theory is that they can only roll side to side, the rigidity acts as a anti roll bar
"You can only make as well as you can measure"
Joseph Whitworth
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Stanley
Local Historian & Old Fart
36804 Posts
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Posted - 01/02/2011 : 06:36
What's an enlarged erection?
Tiz, it was Hesltine who rejected the suitcase sized dispatch box. His officials told him there were no thinner ones so he sent them to look for one. Heseltine 1, Civil Servants Nil! We listen to the same programmes.....
Stanley Challenger Graham
Barlick View
stanley at barnoldswick.freeserve.co.uk |
tripps
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Posted - 01/02/2011 : 08:51
I worked for Heseltine for a while. We were all sent an email saying that he was mildly dyslexic, and a large font was to be used in all correspondence - also anything that exceeded a single sheet of A4 would not be read.
R4 this morning - someone said that the instructions for he welfare of children in the 1970's was 7 pages long. Today it runs to over 400! I blame word processors. New Parkinson's Law - "All documents expand to to the level of the current technology".
Edited by - tripps on 01/02/2011 08:56:36 AM
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Tizer
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Posted - 01/02/2011 : 09:59
In these days of Twitter and email it seems like only messages of one sentence will be read. I often send an email message asking several questions but almost always get a reply with an answer to only one of them.
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Know any good clean Jokes
