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BDonald
Regular Member


297 Posts
Posted -  12/01/2006  :  19:35

Know any good clean Jokes





http://www.danggoodjokes.com/




 

 




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Big Kev
Big


2650 Posts
Posted - 15/10/2008 : 09:27
I see the Isle of Dogs bank, in London, is in trouble. They've had to call in the retrievers......


Big Kev

It doesn't matter who you vote for, you always end up with the government. Go to Top of Page
blokman
Senior Member


1119 Posts
Posted - 15/10/2008 : 10:22
Two snakes chatting,
One says, " are we poisonous snakes or constrictors"?
Why, asks the other one,

Well says the first snake, I 've just bitten my tongue.....


www.robinsharples.co.uk Go to Top of Page
Bodger
Regular Member


892 Posts
Posted - 15/10/2008 : 15:24
A worker phones the boss to tell him he is unwell, and can't come in to work.

The boss  replies, when i feel like that i have sex with my wife, and it makes me feel better, two hours later the worker  phones to tell the boss he is feeling better, and also tells the boss he  has a nice house


"You can only make as well as you can measure"
                           Joseph Whitworth
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jgb7573
New Member


44 Posts
Posted - 15/10/2008 : 16:06
The other day I drove past the cemetary on my way to town. There were four blokes with a coffin on their shoulders walking along. Three hours later, when I came back, they were still there, wandering about.

I said to meself...


'These B*stards have lost the plot.'



JohnB,

Found that horn - gorn! Go to Top of Page
gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 16/10/2008 : 01:18
Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot most of the time and produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him what? A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.


LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
 Smile Go to Top of Page
Another
Traycle Mine Overseer


6250 Posts
Posted - 16/10/2008 : 12:43
Nice one that. Nolic


" I'm a self made man who worships his creator" Go to Top of Page
gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 18/10/2008 : 02:22
A young lady in Chicago had boy twins, gave them up for adoption. One was adopted by a couple in Spain: they named their boy Juan. The other one was adopted by a couple in Egypt: they named their boy Amall.
Many years later Juan finds his birth mother, sends his picture to her. She very happy, at first, when she received the picture. But then started feeling a little sad.
Her husband asked, 'What's wrong?'
She said, 'I wish I also had a picture of Amall.'
The husband said, 'But they are twins . . . if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amall.'


LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
 Smile Go to Top of Page
Cathy
Senior Member


4249 Posts
Posted - 13/11/2008 : 09:03
Ignoring the concern's of friends and family that she is too old to cope, a 70yr old woman uses fertility treatment to give birth to a baby boy.  After she leaves the hospital her relatives drop by. 
'Let's have a look at him', they say,
'Not yet the 70yr old replies'. 
Assuming the baby must be asleep, the relatives wait an hour and then ask again - 'Can we see him now'.
'Not yet' replies the pensioner. 
Two hours pass, 'Surely we can see him now' , the relatives ask. 
'No' says the woman. 
'So when can we see your baby son'  the rellies ask, growing suspicious -
'When he cries' replies the woman.   
'Why do we have to wait until he cries'  the relatives want to know.
'Because I've forgotten where I put him', admits the woman. 


All thru the fields and meadows gay  ....  Enjoy   
Take Care...Cathy Go to Top of Page
marilyn
VIP Member


5007 Posts
Posted - 13/11/2008 : 11:06
Very good all...especially gearce (still chuckling)


get your people to phone my people and we will do lunch...MAZ Go to Top of Page
gus
Regular Member


704 Posts
Posted - 13/11/2008 : 11:30
A white horse walks into a pub the landlord says "we have a whisky named after you " the white horse says  " Eric,!  thats a strange name for whisky".


an Irishman, Scotsman, and Englishman, walk into a pub, the landlord says, " Is this some kind of joke"

Another horse walks into a pub, the landlord says, " why the long face"   


Gus

http://www.flickr.com/photos/angusbrennan/
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moh
Silver Surfer


6860 Posts
Posted - 13/11/2008 : 14:13
A lady goes to visit her vicar ' I have a problem with my two parrots' she says, 'all they say when visitors call is 'we're two swingers want some fun?'
'Don't  worry' said the vicar 'I have two parrots who I have taught to say prayers and read the bible.  Bring your birds to my house and we will put them in the cage with mine so that mine can teach them what they do'
This was done, and the four of them weighed each other up. The vicar's two parrots were reading the bible when the lady's two shouted 'we're two swingers, want some fun?'  One of the vicar's parrots said to the other 'Put that book away George our prayers have been answered'.


Say only a little but say it well Go to Top of Page
ormus
New Member


25 Posts
Posted - 24/11/2008 : 01:08
My ex girl friend was called Lorraine.

Now Ive got a new girlfriend called Clara.

I can see Clara now that Lorraine has gone.


get some gormGo to Top of Page
Another
Traycle Mine Overseer


6250 Posts
Posted - 24/11/2008 : 08:04
Nice one Ommy. Nolic


" I'm a self made man who worships his creator" Go to Top of Page
Cathy
Senior Member


4249 Posts
Posted - 24/11/2008 : 08:34
Sorry ... totally missed that one. 

Oh hold on, it's the accent, meaning I can see clearly now, the rain as gone.

Took a while, hehe.  Confused

Edited by - Cathy on 24/11/2008 08:39:06 AM


All thru the fields and meadows gay  ....  Enjoy   
Take Care...Cathy Go to Top of Page
Bodger
Regular Member


892 Posts
Posted - 25/11/2008 : 08:49
Paddy & the wife are on holiday in Jamaica, the pass a cobblers shop advertising sex sandals, wife says "Paddy you could do with a pair of them", "come in mon" shouts the cobbler, " i have a pair you can try on"

The instant that Paddy has the sandals on he grabs the cobbler, turns him round, and at the same time is pulling his and the cobblers trousers down, the cobbler screams, " MON STOP, YOU GOT DEM ON DA WRONG FEET"


"You can only make as well as you can measure"
                           Joseph Whitworth
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