Click here to register on OneGuyFromBarlick|2|1
Go to Page
  First Page  Previous Page    17  18  19  [20]  21  22   Next Page  Last Page
Author Previous Topic Topic Next Topic  
BDonald
Regular Member


297 Posts
Posted -  12/01/2006  :  19:35

Know any good clean Jokes





http://www.danggoodjokes.com/




 

 




Replies
Author
Go to Page
  First Page  Previous Page    17  18  19  [20]  21  22   Next Page  Last Page
 
gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 18/10/2010 : 04:49
Apologies Belle, but the moderators let it through ...... I'll watch it in future.


LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
 Smile Go to Top of Page
Another
Traycle Mine Overseer


6250 Posts
Posted - 18/10/2010 : 08:08
Tinker, my fault....if there is one. I thougt both were funny and saw no offence. Nolic


" I'm a self made man who worships his creator" Go to Top of Page
Bodger
Regular Member


892 Posts
Posted - 18/10/2010 : 08:48
Its all in  the mind


"You can only make as well as you can measure"
                           Joseph Whitworth
  Go to Top of Page
gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 19/10/2010 : 02:39
Nice one Frank.

FROM MY JOKE BOOK ...... You may or may not have heard or read this before but, what the heck, I think it's worth repeating.

Q. What's E.T. short for?
A. Because he has little legs



LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
 Smile Go to Top of Page
Another
Traycle Mine Overseer


6250 Posts
Posted - 19/10/2010 : 14:55
Reminds me of when Cath was in hospital having just given birth to Daniel I took Charlotte on to see them for the fist time. The traffic around Burnley General was horrific and I had an open window verbals with a guy who had shot some temporarty lights and ended up blocking the road.

We got into the hospital and Charlotte was fussing over the baby for ages whilst I was talking to Cath about her possible discharge.  All of a sudden  Charlotte (aged two and a half) piped up " What does it mean mummy when daddy calls someone a dick-head?" I swear she knew she was dropping me in it.

After that I was always very careful about what I said in front of them both. Nolic

 


" I'm a self made man who worships his creator" Go to Top of Page
gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 20/10/2010 : 08:22
FROM MY JOKE BOOK ...... You may or may not have heard or read this before but, what the heck, I think it's worth repeating.

I was chatting to a tailor the other day. He showed me a ledger in which he keeps a record of all the length alterations he makes to mens trousers.

"Well", I thought, "now there's a book for the turn-ups."



LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
 Smile Go to Top of Page
Tizer
VIP Member


5150 Posts
Posted - 20/10/2010 : 10:00
"Think we may be straying form the title with the last two!" (Belle) ....I've been catching up with the threads after a week away and I have to say I agree with Belle. The cruder jokes are OK in the right place but the thread is titled with the words "clean jokes". If you've recommended this thread to mothers saying that it's safe for their kids then it's embarrassing when it goes off. Perhaps someone who wants the non-clean jokes could start a thread titled "Non-clean jokes"? It should do what it says on the tin!   :)

Edited by - Tizer on 20/10/2010 10:01:10


Go to Top of Page
gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 21/10/2010 : 10:13
FROM MY JOKE BOOK ...... You may or may not have heard or read this before but, what the heck, I think it's worth repeating.

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman.

He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, but we especially don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear looks at him quizzically and says, "I'm not on drugs."

(You're gonna love this...)
The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."



LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
 Smile Go to Top of Page
gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 24/10/2010 : 02:37
Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day. The agent says: "Sean, I've got you a job, starts tomorrow morning. You'll have to be there for 10-ish".

Sean furrows his brow and says "Tennish? But I don't even have a racquet."



LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
 Smile Go to Top of Page
gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 28/10/2010 : 03:56
An elderly couple walk into their local, go up to the bar and order their drinks. The landlord serves them and says "We haven't seen you for a while, have you been away."

The old man takes a sip of his Barley wine and replies "Yeah, the wife and me have been on holiday"

"That sounds great" said the landlord "anywhere nice?"

The old man puts down his drink, screws up his face and says " Now you've asked me, I've got a terrible memory for names. What's that green stuff that climbs up the walls of your house?"

The landlord, puzzled, replied "Do you mean Ivy?"

"That's it!" said the old man.

He turned to his wife and says " Ivy, where was it we went on holiday?"



LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
 Smile Go to Top of Page
gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 01/11/2010 : 03:04
An armed, hooded, robber burst into the Bank of Scotland in Princes Street, Edinburgh, and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Scottish customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shot the Scotsman without hesitation!

He then looked around the bank to see if anyone else had seen him.

One of the tellers looked straight at him and the robber walked over and calmly shot him also.

Everyone by now was very scared and looking down at the floor. "Did anyone else see my face?" asked the robber.

There were a few moments of silence, then one elderly Scottish lady, looking down, tentatively raised her hand and said: "I think my husband might have caught a glimpse .…."



LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
 Smile Go to Top of Page
gearce
Regular Member


941 Posts
Posted - 06/11/2010 : 04:04
Have you ever hunted bear?
 
No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!



LANG MEY YER LUM REEK

There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all  
 Smile Go to Top of Page
Stanley
Local Historian & Old Fart


36804 Posts
Posted - 06/11/2010 : 06:00
p { margin-bottom: 0.08in; }

Sandi Toksvig told a very funny story yesterday. Her grandfather lost an eye so he had two glass eyes made, one that matched the original eye and one that was heavily bloodshot. If he was going out at night with his mates he put the bloodshot one in and told the family he wouldn’t be back until both eyes matched.


Stanley Challenger Graham




Barlick View
stanley at barnoldswick.freeserve.co.uk Go to Top of Page

Another
Traycle Mine Overseer


6250 Posts
Posted - 06/11/2010 : 06:03
Comrade, best ever QI last night. Very funny and somewhat surreal with having the creator of the programme on.

Did you notice how Stephen Fry kept looking at him as if to say" You know what''s coming don't you!!" . Johnny Vegas is a very clever funny man not just the idiot he sometimes portrays who can take a thread to the realms of fantasy and cleverly bring it back again. Brilliant TV.Nolic


" I'm a self made man who worships his creator" Go to Top of Page
Cathy
Senior Member


4249 Posts
Posted - 06/11/2010 : 09:31

We have QI here, love it, the best episode I've seen is 'about B's', I keep checking my local ABC shop (BBC to you) for the Best Bits dvd of it.  Classic.  lolol 


All thru the fields and meadows gay  ....  Enjoy   
Take Care...Cathy Go to Top of Page
Topic is 33 Pages Long:
Go to Page
  First Page  Previous Page    17  18  19  [20]  21  22   Next Page  Last Page
 


Set us as your default homepage Bookmark us Privacy   Copyright 2004-2011 www.oneguyfrombarlick.co.uk All Rights Reserved. Design by: Frost SkyPortal.net Go To Top Of Page

Page load time - 0.578