Bride on her wedding night says to new hubby “ I must confess that I used to be a hooker”

Hubby says, “That’s OK. Your past is in the past….but I must confess I find it quire erotic, tell me more about it?” 

She says, “Well my name was Dave and I played for Wigan Warriors”


Nolic


" I'm a self made man who worships his creator"

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained, "It's the chemist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call several times before he would even answer the phone".

Immediately, the husband drove into town to confront the chemist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the chemist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it.
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realise that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.
Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.. Later, when I was about three blocks from the shop, I had a flat tyre. When I finally got to the shop there was a crowd of people waiting for me to open up.
I got the shop opened and started serving these people, and all the time the damn phone was ringing like mad.”

"Then I had to break open a packet of twenty pence pieces against the cash register drawer to get change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick them all up . All the while, the phone was still ringing. When I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a load of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.

Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

And, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.”





Every silver lining has a cloud.